You cant see me
by Amethyst-Darkstar-87
Summary: a REALLY angsty Zel/Lina fic to the Josie and the Pussycats song by the same title


Hiya, this is Amethyst Darkstar, himitsu no miko. This is my very first fanfic and I would like any comments for improvements please I even like flames if you feel you need to and if it helps me any (please no constant lines of swearing those just bug me)please no repeating I hate flames that are like: @#$% off @#$% off @#$% off ecetera you get my picture my e-mail is himitsu_no_miko@alloymail.com  
  
Oh! just a warning this is Lina/Zel so if you dont like it live with it. this is also a songfic with one of the songs off the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack  
  
You dont see me: Lina's song 12-31-01  
  
  
  
This is the place where I sit  
  
why did she love this spot so much she sat there for hours leaing against that cold rock staring at the rapids in the river, it was so peaceful here even here.  
  
This is the part where I love you too much  
  
She didnt understand it even here in the serene chill of late fall, In her favorite spot the only place she had to really clear her head she couldnt stop thinking about him, his eyes they seemed like they could bore a hole all the way to the soul. she thaught he was georgous. why didnt he?  
  
Is this as hard as it gets, cause' Im getting tired of pretending Im tough  
  
It hurts it actually hurts why dose thinking about him hurt? Why dont I just give up on him he dosent love you. why even try?  
  
Im here if you want me Im yours you can hold me  
  
Ive always been there for him why dosent he agnoledge that Im at very least a friend I need his touch so much I ache for it. wetness now? another tear slips from my eye. If he knew how many tears shed over him would he think me silly for crying ove him. a monster. or would he love me for it? Impossible why would he love me. Uncaring. A brat. Selfish. Im all these things and more. all I want is a touch of friendship at least. a hand on my shoulder. something. I ache for his touch.  
  
Im empty and fakein and tumbling and breaking  
  
A void a deep void I wish I could fill. No one has ever seen me for how I really am I keep up this facade only because I havent been me for so long Im afraid I have forgotten about how to even be me. How long had it been? A hundred years? Two hundred? it really didnt matter. The only thing that matters now is how to fill a void. A big one.  
  
Cause you dont see me, and you dont need me, and you dont love me, the way I wish you would, the way I know you could.  
  
Nothing. not even a friend in his eyes. why could'nt he love her? why was it so impossible? he dosent need me. he dosent need anyone. why would someone in their right mind want to stay away from people? Lina found it very hard to be alone. thats why she started traveling with Gaurry and Amelia. they were both obnoctious but they are friends now. no one loves me. no one ever loved me. why couldnt he love me, I know he could.  
  
I dream of a world where you understand but I dream a million sleepless nights.  
  
why couldnt there be a world where all dreams come true Id fly to him high in the sky and Tell him I love him and he would tell me he loved me and we would go curl up somewheere in each others arms.  
  
I dream of fire when youre touching my hand, but it twists into smoke when I turn on the light.  
  
Whenever he touches me I feel the Irresistable feeling that my face is on fire my knees get wobbly Then someone interupst my reverie and all I feel is cold and stiff.  
  
Im speechless and faded Its too complicated Is this how the book ends nothing but good friends.  
  
She had no words. no words at least none of any value. Her old self is so faded that its hard to tell if its even there at all. She got up and stripped down to the barest minimum clothes and slowly walked into the water. Hes always so cold like the water here I wish I could stay here forever the pain in her lungs was increasing as the water flowed over her head (you do know your going to die right?) asked an inner voice. yes. death. something for everyone who have already stopped living.  
  
Cause you dont see me, and you dont need me, and you dont love me, the way I wish you would, the way I know you could.  
  
1 He cant see me like I want him to he never has and never will why do I even bother I love him that's why forever doomed to useless love pointless why do I bother with life even I now have given up on that finaly she thaught as the last lights flated away and darkness clouded her vision  
  
2  
  
2.1 This is the place in my heart  
  
A thin glow soon appeared at first it was far too bright to her now malajusted eyes but she soon got used to is and saw that in the pale blue glow was the silouette of the one she loved she heard weak echos her name he was calling her name! She could see his face now but he was human not his more recient chimera form he reached out to her.  
  
2.2 This is the place where Im falling apart  
  
.she missed his hand suddenly everything whent black again she clutched herself spinning endlessly curled up in the fetal position  
  
2.3 Isnt this just where we met  
  
She saw flashes of his face memories when they met when he helped her escape from his own men a multitude of memories within seconds  
  
2.4 Is this the last chance that Il ever get  
  
Suddenly she had an urge to call out his name yell it scream it louder than she had ever screamed before Zel! Zelgadiss! My Zel! No matter how loud she screamed she could only manage a hoarse whisper suddenly she felt a pair of arms encircle her and a bright flash brought her back to reality  
  
2.5 I wish Iwas lonely instead of just only crystal and see through and not enough to you  
  
2.5.1 "Even when youre almost dead you talk. amazing" It was his voice his amazing wonderful voice she had thaught she would never hear it again "wha di'I say" was all she could choak out both because she had almost drownded an for her fear that she had actualy screamed his name out loud. worse she had called him 'her' Zel  
  
Cause you dont see me, and you dont need me, and you dont love me, the way I wish you would  
  
" you called for me, called for your zel" he said her still wrapped in his arms his nose a mere inch from her own "Zel. I..I." "you don't have to appologise its fine" "Zel .I" "ssh I want to tell you something" he leaned his forehead against hers "I.  
  
Cause you dont see me, and you dont need me, and you dont love me, the way I wish you would, the way I know you could.  
  
love you Lina." "Oh Zel I love you too." he leaned in and kissed her her first kiss ever. "Zel?" "yeah?" "that was my first kiss. ever Ive lived for sixteen years but never have I loved or thaught of anyone but you" she pulled the glove off of her right arm and turmed it so he could see her wrist on it were scars from it being slit seven times "seven times before this Ive tried to end my life because I thaught life was pointless because I thaught you didn't love me but every time I got scared of death and healed myself before I ever did any real damage" "Oh gods Lina Im sorry I caused you so much pain" "Its fine Zel Its fine"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ame:I hope I didn't do too bad this is the first Fic Ive ever finished Its kinda strange but what do ya expect when I wrore it at 3:45 in the morning kinda angsty though and sorry if the end was kinda sappy I always had a weakness that said everyone gets the one they love in the end. this dosent turn out very well since most of the fics I start writing have some sort of love triangle in them.er dosent work too well huh unless someone ended up in a threesome but no one wants that right well suck it in if ya do cause Im not writing one Im only 15 and if my mother ever found it on my comp she would totally think I am a complete pervert even if it wasn't even citrusy well enough about that remember to mail me. please!  
  
3 


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